Entries in adoption (4)

Birth Mother Question: I am currently matched with a family. Do you have any suggestions on how to make delivery day easier?

As a birth mother who placed a baby through AdoptHelp.  Choosing adoption is a difficult decision and everyone deals with it differently.  There are quite a few things I did before I gave birth that helped me make the transition from giving birth to life after birth a little easier.  Here are a few things I did that really helped me heal:

  • I thought of the baby I was carrying as the adoptive parent’s baby.  I chose adoption at 13 weeks of pregnancy and thought it best if I didn’t get attached.
  • Getting to know the adoptive parents also helped me in this journey.  I wanted them to feel comfortable with me.  I knew they were just as scared as I was so I let them ask me any questions and I was always open to their thoughts and opinions.  It helped me to think that we were going through this journey together.  They became more than my sons parents, they became my friends and people I will love deeply and forever.
  • It helped allowing the adoptive parents to go to doctor’s appointments and for them to be at my side during delivery.  I wanted to see the excitement in their eyes and the love in their hearts for their son.  Seeing their love for him confirmed my decision to choose adoption.
  • I learned to live in the moment. If you look at the journey as a whole it can be overwhelming, I took one day at a time. 
  • I wrote letters to the adoptive parents.  When I felt scared it made me feel letter to write how I felt and to share the goals of my future.

I really connected with the adoptive parents, we still communicate and they keep me up to date with pictures. The thing that helped me the most was thinking of myself as a vessel for the adoptive parent's child and to start preparing for life after the birth.

Looking back, I know I made the right decision.  My son is with parents that love him and are giving him a life I wish I could have provided.  I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to give him a better life and he will know I did that for him. 

Birth Mother Question: Will I have to cover any costs given that I don't have insurance and I want to use my private doctor to deliver the baby?

Answer:  No. In domestic adoption, a birth parent’s adoption-related expenses are almost always 100% covered. This includes the costs of being represented by your own attorney, counseling, adoption agency fees, medical expenses, prescriptions, travel to and from the doctor and any other pregnancy-related or adoption-related expenses. In addition, in a majority of states, birth mothers are able to receive pregnancy-related living expenses that include rent, food, utilities, and maternity clothing for the last trimester of the pregnancy and for 1-2 months following delivery.

Birth Mother Question: I was just wondering if you get any feedback from birth mothers a year or two after placement regarding their outlook on adoption and their decision to place?

As a birth mother who placed a baby through AdoptHelp two years ago, Mark asked me to answer this question.  I have spoken with many birth mothers who have placed over the years through my support group on the Web.  The good news is that I am not aware of any birth mothers who regret their decision.  I have talked with some who wished that they weren't in the position they were in.  Then again, I also have talked to women who have placed twice, who couldn’t be happier because there was no other option in their opinion. Every woman, no matter what their story, although they have had their hard times, does not for a single second regret what they did. They know they did what was best for their child, and they respect their story. It has changed more lives than one, and as birth mom’s, that’s what we strive for. Changing not only the lives of our child, but the life of the parent or parents that will love and nourish our child.  From my experience, most birth mothers have the same outlook; they are proud and stand with their heads held high!

Adoptive Parents: I am 44 years old and my husband is 47 years old. Are we too old to adopt an infant?

Answer:  Not at all!  I find that most prospective adoptive parents fear that their adoption attorney is going to tell them that they are too old to adopt.  In domestic adoption, the birth parents select the adoptive parent(s) who they want to adopt the baby.  Because it is the birth parents who make that decision, the State does not interfere by imposing any maximum age restrictions.  Simply put, there is no maximum age restriciton in domestic adoption.  With respect to your specific ages, you'll be happy to know that you fall within the average age range for prospective adoptive parents.  Indeed, most prospective adoptive parents are between 35 and 55 years of age and we have seen both younger and older cleints who have successfully adopted. 

Posted on Thursday, November 6, 2008 at 07:07PM by Registered CommenterAdoptHelp in , , , | Comments Off